Fantastic, 5.0. 20 Sept 2010.

A funny thing happened in California on Saturday. My friend, Chuck Sampedro, and I went surfing at Moss Landing. We’re out waiting for a set — when, all of a sudden, Chuck sees something… Something ‘SPARKLING’. He says. Apparently, under a coconut tree. I told him to stop the tom-foolery — we’re not out here looking for ‘glimmering treasures’ — we’re out here to surf this mess around. So we catch a wave and I’ll be DAMNED if he doesn’t start in on it again. So I say — ‘if it’s so ALL-FIRED important — then go look — and stop burbeling on about it…’ So he approaches this tree like some kind of DOG on a scent trail — going left and then veering uncontrollably right and back again. All uncontrollably. Anyhoo. He finally stops at this coconut and turns it over. Except this coconut — has a three inch cork stopper in the back of it. So we look at each other, slowly, and then back at the coconut. With great trepidation — Chuck pulls the plug — guess what falls out? Apparently a prototype of the new iPad 5.0. We thought that maybe the Tradewinds washed it ashore from China or something. We were scared to touch it with anything other than a white glove — sort of like the ‘Monolith’ in Kubrick’s ‘Space Odyssey’ — but it was so beautiful! And you’ll notice how small it is. The transparent skin allows you to see the ‘guts’ of this iPad just like a 430 Modena. The reduction of the internal processors and ephemera to nanoparticles is nothing less than stunning. The one thing that didn’t seem as stellar was the fact that Apple has chosen to move from a colour screen back to a 1990 black+white version. Some thought the b+w screen might be attributable to cost cutting — a way of shoring up the costs associated with the iPhone 4.0 losses due to the reception issue. Anyway… We were nervous about having such a cool device and its effect on the world if it got into the wrong hands — so we decided that it was best to just place it back in the hollowed-out coconut and throw the coconut back out to sea.

And you though California was just about taking Yoga classes. Shame on you… You, you… Philistine!

Published by William Vaughan

filmmaker, artist

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